#5| A love letter to the black community.

I live in a country that still fundamentally misunderstands racial injustice. ("He/She is going off of statistics...", "I am not racist, but...") Conversations about racial inequality are, admittedly, exhausting. As a post-Soviet country, Russia has been shut down from the rest of the world for so long that many people here have cannot even begin to grasp racism in places like the US, its complexity and historical implications.

I have accompanied/ helped/ interpreted for several musicians from the USA in the last few months. Unbelievably talented, gorgeous, fun, humble, warm, kind and black. Each time they'd play a show, they would stick around afterwards to sign CD's and thank the audience. Never turning anyone down, they took time to chat and take photos. Amazed at their ability to still be nice to people after giving their all on that stage and disgusted by how inappropriate some listeners were, I'd ask "Should I just tell them to back off? They are kind of all over you!".

Right at this moment, I am safe, warm, fed, loved and stable. I am not going sit here and pretend like I am not grateful to be this privileged, yet I am aware that I will never have to fear for my life solely because of the color of my skin. When I enter a store, it would never even cross a security guard's mind to, all of a sudden, be extra alert because I "look suspicious" and I cannot help but wonder:

Dear black people,

How in the freak do you do you all do this? How do you brave being exoticized and fetishized whenever you go to a country like mine? How do you swallow your pride (any last bit of it that this sick world tries so hard to take away), smile and treat people with such genuine, boundless grace? How do you put up with all the bullshit and still are some of the nicest, most caring and protective people I know?

I honestly do not think I will ever understand. Neither can I promise you that I will get the whole being a white ally thing right. What I will do, however, is cheer you on every.single.step. of. the. way. I will try my very hardest to make sure that people who look like you always have a voice, no matter the crap ton of people who look like me in a room. I will shut up, listen and learn from you. At the same time, no matter how hard it is, I will always make the greatest effort to intervene whenever I observe insensitivity towards your community. Not with anger, though, but with the same grace and curiosity you modeled for me, for all of us.

Finally, I will always remind you of your unshakable power, light and beauty. Your experience is filled with grief and I cannot take it away, but if you ever find yourself reading this note and feel even the slightest bit of hope, my job here is done.

With love,
E. 

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